Self Talk and Goal Setting

Self-talk

Self-talk is our inner voice talking to us all the time unconsciously i.e. without our knowing it telling us what we are, passing a judgment on our worth or our lack of it, our virtues or vices, strengths or weaknesses, competence or incompetence etc. It is the mirror that we unconsciously or sub-consciously hold to ourselves.

Self-talk is very important in life as it determines the degree of our self-confidence and self-esteem and the quality of our self-image. Our behavior in life, our performance whether good or bad, our achievements or failures, our happiness or sadness are deeply impacted by our self-talk.

It is therefore important to monitor our self talk, to know whether it is negative or positive and to try to change its nature if we find it to be negative. Positive self-talk boosts our confidence, fills us with happiness and improves our behaviour and performance. Negative self-talk, on the other hand, lowers our self-confidence and self-esteem, drives into depressive thoughts, and degrades our performance. A man with negative self-talk can never be a successful man. He spends all his time struggling with his negative self-image. His sense of his own unworthiness does not allow him to do anything worthwhile in life.

Examples of Negative self-talk and how it can be reworded

1. Negative - I really ruined that presentation. I am a fool. That is the end of my career.

Positive - I did badly in that presentation. But I can do better. I will work harder next 
time. I will rehearse more at home. I can also get some training in public speaking. That will certainly help.

2. Negative – Doing that massive job in one week? Impossible. I can’t.

Positive – It is difficult to complete that massive task in one week. But I will try. I will take one step at a time. I may also try seek someone’s help.

Conclusion – It is certainly advisable to have a go at controlling the critic within you who is always talking negatively. If you are a victim of negative self-talk, start trying to change yourself right away. It can have no negative effect on you. You can only win. There is nothing to lose.

Goal Setting

Importance of Goal Setting

A goal is the aim or objective that we want to achieve as a result of an action or several actions. It is the destination we want to reach.

Goal setting is a necessary condition for achieving success in life. Can a traveller who does not know what his destination is ever reach it? No, he will just keep wandering and not reach anywhere. All his labours will be lost. All his efforts will go waste. Same is the case with the person who does not know what his goal in life is. He can never make any noteworthy achievement. He may even work harder than a successful man but never taste success. Why? He does not know in which direction he has to proceed. He keeps wavering, now working in one direction and then switching over to a different one. Instead of devoting himself to the pursuit of one goal, he keeps labouring without any clear idea of what he has to achieve. And he ends up achieving nothing.

1. Goals act as powerful motivators. They inspire us to work hard and keep focused.

2. They determine the intensity of our effort and the emotions we experience when we achieve them. The more difficult and valued the goal, the harder we have to work to achieve it and the greater is the joy we experience when we achieve it.

3. They increase our commitment to the organisation we are working for.

4. The successful achievement of goals increases our self-confidence and self-esteem.

5. Goals inspire us to be innovative. We have to think of newer and newer ways to be able to achieve them.

6. Goals teach us to be disciplined. They teach us to shun those pursuits and pleasures which may interfere with the achievement of our goals.

7. Our goals enable us to plan and control our future. They help us to become what we want to become.

Difference between a goal and a wish list

Every man has a long list of wishes that he wants to be fulfilled. But wishes cannot be goals. We can wish for the skies. But that is something which we know can never be done. A wish is a desire to achieve something which we know to be beyond our reach because either we do not possess the competence or the means to achieve it or we are not prepared to work hard enough to achieve it. May be it is something which is impossible for us or for anyone. A goal is a wish for something to achieve which we have the required strength, ability, skill and means or it is possible for us to acquire these if we are determined to achieve that wish. Moreover, we must also be prepared to invest the required effort for its achievement. The third requirement is the determination. When these conditions are satisfied, the wish becomes a goal.

So wishes are wild illogical dreams which you know to be unachievable for you, which you are not serious about, for the achievement of which you do not make any plans or efforts. They are just wild dreams which vanish at the touch of reality.

Goals, on the other hand, are those wishes or dreams which you know are attainable if you work really hard for them. They are the logical wishes that you have decided to work for. So you are serious about achieving them. You focus on them. You plan what to do to achieve them. You put your plan into action and devote time, money and energy. They may sometimes be the milestones on the road to your final destination, the life-time goal you have chosen.

It is not always possible to decide whether a desire is a goal or a wish. What is just a wish for one man may be the goal of another man. We choose our goals keeping in view our preferences, the resources we possess or can manage and the effort we are prepared to put in. Becoming a celebrated actor or actress may be a wish of one person. But it may be the goal of another.

Types of Goals –

Short Term, Long Term, Life – Time

Depending on the time over which they are to be achieved, goals can be divided into three types –

1. Short Term Goals,       2. Long Term Goals,          3. Life Time Goals

1. Short Term Goals – 

Short term goals are generally goals which a person intends to achieve in less than a year. Generally, they are milestones on the road to long term or life time goals. If so, they are called enabling goals, which enable us to achieve bigger goals. But it need not always be so. Sometimes, they may not have anything to do with long term goals. Goals like passing an examination, getting a high score in the examination, learning a skill, getting a temporary job, gaining experience to get a good job, reducing one’s weight by 5 kg etc. are some examples of short term goals.

Short term goals may be Independent, provisional or foundational.

Independent short term goals have nothing to do with one’s long term goals.

Provisional short term goals are enabling goals for achieving long term goals. They are to be achieved in less than a month - a few hours or days or in a month. They are the goals which we focus on a daily basis.

Foundational goals are goals that lay the foundations for the attainment of long term goals. They are generally to be achieved in less than a year. Getting A grade in all subjects in the matriculation examination to be able to get admission in a good college of your choice so that you may ultimately be able to join a medical college is an example of a foundational goal.

       However, a foundational goal may sometimes be an independent or stand-alone goal not linked to a long term or capstone goal. For example, getting selected as a member of the college football team may have nothing to do with your goal of becoming an IAS officer.

2. Long Term Goals –

     Long term goals are goals which one plans to achieve over a comparatively longer period. Typically, they are intended to be achieved in a year, two years, five years ten years, twenty years etc. Building one’s own house, getting a high academic degree, setting up one’s own company, save a certain sum of money and then retire from work etc. can be called long term goals. Long term goals may also be enabling goals for the achievement of life-time goals.

        A long term goal is called a CAPSTONE goal if it is a key goal that must be achieved before you are able to achieve your life-time goal. For example, to realise your life-time goal of becoming a reputed doctor may require you to get a high score at the school and college level, going to a medical college, successfully completing your internship, getting a post graduate and then a doctoral degree in the special field of your choice. These goals would be known as capstone goals.

Life-time Goals – 

A life-time goal is a goal is a goal that you plan to achieve over the whole of your life before you get the final call to quit this world. For example, you may want to be multi-millionaire before you die. Or your life-time goal may be to win the Nobel Prize in your chosen field or to be the prime minister or the president of your country. Before you are achieve your life-time goal, you have to achieve a number of short term and long term goals which will finally lead you to your life-time goal.

Blueprint for Success

                       OR

Golden rules to be followed

for achieving success in life

1. Set Goals That Motivate You

    When you set goals for yourself, it is important that they motivate you: this means making sure that they are important to you, and that there is value in achieving them. If you have little interest in the outcome, or they are irrelevant given the larger picture, then the chances of you putting in the work to make them happen are slim. Motivation is key to achieving goals.

    2. Set goals that relate to the high priorities in your life. 

Without this type of focus, you can end up with far too many goals, leaving you too little time to devote to each one. Goal achievement requires commitment, so to maximize the likelihood of success, you need to feel a sense of urgency and have an "I must do this" attitude. When you don't have this, you risk putting off what you need to do to make the goal a reality. This in turn leaves you feeling disappointed and frustrated with yourself, both of which are demotivating. And you can end up in a very destructive "I can't do anything" frame of mind.

Tip:

To make sure that your goal is motivating, write down why it's valuable and important to you. Ask yourself, "If I were to share my goal with others, what would I tell them to convince them it was a worthwhile goal?" You can use this motivating value statement to help you if you start to doubt yourself or lose confidence in your ability to actually make the goal happen.

3. Set SMART Goals

You have probably heard of SMART goals  already. But do you always apply the rule? The simple fact is that for goals to be powerful, they should be designed to be SMART. There are many variations of what SMART stands for, but the essence is this – goals should be

S -  Specific.

M -  Measurable.

 A - Attainable.

R - Relevant.

 T - Time Bound.

Set Specific Goals

Your goal must be clear and well defined. Vague or generalized goals are unhelpful because they don't provide sufficient direction. Remember, you need goals to show you the way. Make it as easy as you can to get where you want to go by defining precisely where you want to end up.

Set Measurable Goals

Include precise amounts, dates, and so on in your goals so you can measure your degree of success. If your goal is simply defined as "To reduce expenses" how will you know when you have been successful? In one month's time if you have a 1 percent reduction or in two years' time when you have a 10 percent reduction? Without a way to measure your success you miss out on the celebration that comes with knowing you have actually achieved something.

Set Attainable Goals

Make sure that it's possible to achieve the goals you set. If you set a goal that you have no hope of achieving, you will only demoralize yourself and erode your confidence.

However, resist the urge to set goals that are too easy. Accomplishing a goal that you didn't have to work hard for can be anticlimactic at best, and can also make you fear setting future goals that carry a risk of non-achievement. By setting realistic yet challenging goals, you hit the balance you need. These are the types of goals that require you to "raise the bar" and they bring the greatest personal satisfaction.

Set Relevant Goals

Goals should be relevant to the direction you want your life and career to take. By keeping goals aligned with this, you'll develop the focus you need to get ahead and do what you want. Set widely scattered and inconsistent goals, and you'll fritter your time – and your life – away.

Set Time-Bound Goals

Your goals must have a deadline. Again, this means that you know when you can celebrate success. When you are working on a deadline, your sense of urgency increases and achievement will come that much quicker.

3. Set Goals in Writing

The physical act of writing down a goal makes it real and tangible. You have no excuse for forgetting about it. As you write, use the word "will" instead of "would like to" or "might." For example, "I will reduce my operating expenses by 10 percent this year," not "I would like to reduce my operating expenses by 10 percent this year." The first goal statement has power and you can "see" yourself reducing expenses, the second lacks passion and gives you an excuse if you get side-tracked.

Tip 1:

Frame your goal statement positively. If you want to improve your retention rates say, "I will hold on to all existing employees for the next quarter" rather than "I will reduce employee turnover." The first one is motivating; the second one still has a get-out clause "allowing" you to succeed even if some employees leave.

Tip 2:

If you use a To-Do List , make yourself a To-Do List template that has your goals at the top of it. If you use an Action Program , then your goals should be at the top of your Project Catalogue.

Post your goals in visible places to remind yourself every day of what it is you intend to do. Put them on your walls, desk, computer monitor, bathroom mirror or refrigerator as a constant reminder.

4. Have Commitment to the goals- 

Be committed to your goals. Make every possible effort within your power to achieve them. Do not think of anything except the achievement of your goals.

5. Let the goals be clear - 

Let your goals be clear. If you do not know clearly what your goal is, you will never be able to reach it.

6. Make them Challenging – 

Do not set easy goals. Let them be hard enough to compel you to use all your intelligence, your resources and your strength to be able to achieve them. Easy goals make you stay relaxed and as a result, you are never able to achieve your full potential, to make the achievements that you can which are within your reach.

7. Make an Action Plan

This step is often missed in the process of goal setting. You get so focused on the outcome that you forget to plan all of the steps that are needed along the way. By writing out the individual steps, and then crossing each one off as you complete it, you'll realize that you are making progress towards your ultimate goal. This is especially important if your goal is big and demanding, or long-term.

8. Stick With It!

Remember, goal setting is an ongoing activity, not just a means to an end. Build in reminders to keep yourself on track, and make regular time-slots available to review your goals. Your end destination may remain quite similar over the long term, but the action plan you set for yourself along the way can change significantly. Make sure the relevance, value, and necessity remain high.